Get Rid of Your Money

Fan/Hate Mail

Fan Letter:

From: "Darren L." (Weddington, NC)

"Ay, I wunna helpz wit ur cite n u can pay me n Bitcoin. "


" Dear Darren,

What in the actual fuck? The only words you formed in that train-wreck of a sentence were "can"," pay", and "Bitcoin." I would also include "I" but that's a fucking vowel, and this isn't Wheel of fucking Fortune. I am actually impressed that you capitalized the pronouns, good for you buddy. Based upon your grammar skills, I would assume that you would be about as useful to me as a group of short-bus kids in a house of fucking mirrors. Also, I have been to Weddington, NC. It's a ritzy suburb, and while it's a North Carolina school district, you should know how to fucking spell.

Reapply post-GED, "

Fan Letter:

From: Cynthia N. (Cedar Rapids, IA)

"Do you give this money to Charity?"


" Dear Cynthia,

Sometimes I give some of this money to Charity, but she only works on Saturday. So, sometimes I give money to Bambi, Honey, Bella, Anastasia, Amber, or Skye. Really anyone who is welcomed to the Main Stage. I mean, it's just polite. Not giving some money to these ladies would be like a metaphorical kick to the taint. I mean, do you stop and listen to a street musician play an entire song and then think, "That's nice..." and not tip the poor son-of-a-bitch? If so, then shame on you, Cynthia. You're over there taking advantage of street musicians and I'm over here supporting single moms. You can judge me for raining those dollar bills, Cynthia, but when I go to the clubs in Mexico, my US dollar get's them 16 pesos. That's a hell of a tip, Cynthia!  Even when I'm tossing those Washingtons at their apples here in the States, I'm helping some of them pay their way through college...or so they say. 

See you on the Main Stage, "

Fan Letter:

From: Jim T. (Bassfield, MS)

"People like you pervert the American Dream. How lazy do you have to be to attempt to sit back and collect money from people for doing absolutely nothing? Why don't you get a job and an education, like normal people? Anyone who gives you money, their no better than you are and quite honestly deserves a kick in the nuts. "


" Dear Jimothy,

I assume, Jim is short for Jimothy... I would first like to thank you for your donation of $2.50.  I think I will use the money to buy you a Trapper Keeper, because I'm about to take you to school.  Getting "something for nothing" or little to nothing IS the American Dream.  After the hard work part, it's typically how people get rich.  I'd like to think I worked hard to set up this website, but that's just my opinion, as you're entitled to your opinion. 
Also, I have a few jobs.  Since, in your expert opinion normal people have A job, that makes me above average; thank you for the compliment.  Finally, you said, "...get an education..."  Dear, sweet Jimothy at least I know the difference between "they're" and "their."

Read a Book, "

Fan Letter:

From: Jeremy H. (Cincinnati, OH)

"Where do you get off telling people to give you money, for nothing? Do you think anyone is actually going to give you money? I hope you go into debt just running this disgusting website!  And the fact that you suggest that you would kick someone in the genitals to "make it feel more like a high-interest loan" is despicable.  Burn in hell!"


" My Dearest Jeremy,

I would first like to thank you for your donation of $15.00.  I will use it to pay for the upcoming expenses of my website for the next 2 years.  Your support means a lot!  I can see that you frivolously spend your money, not only because you gave me $15.00, but because you obviously did not read my main page.  I am not telling people to give me money for nothing, but rather I am offering to help them with their burdensome cash.   Also, I only merely stated that I
would  kick them in the genitals at their request, and if in doing so it would not create a more complicated situation.  See, I'm all about helping people.  Once, again, thank you for the $15.00.  I look forward to your future support

Very Respectfully, "

Fan Letter:

From Caroline T. (Kingman, AZ)

"You are a piece of shit."


" My Dearest Caroline,

I would like to thank you for your donation of $2.57.  I will use the donation to buy toilet paper; as being a piece of shit, toilet paper would be my clothing and nudity in my state of residence is a crime.  

Stay Sweet,"

Fan Letter:

From Sergio L. (Tallahassee, FL)

"Dude, you rule, that is all!"


"My Dearest Sergio,

I would like to thank you for your donation of $678.97.  I will use the donation to purchase 1 share of Google, Inc. to slowly build my majority shareholder status so that I may one day take over the company and one day the world.  Also, I do not rule.  I am an American, and we live in a democratic society.  I am merely a guy trying to solve the issue of too much cash in this world."

Stay Sexy,"